Red note from a blue state (because its almost valentines day)

In my last 15 minutes of being 22, here I am. I just got back from a bar (Flowers, the last thing worth staying in the Udistrict for, other than the school) where I met two friends and several acquaintances and a few strangers. One of my friends Shaun, just had a of his films shown on campus, and the rest of the people at our two tables had been in attendance. I planned on going, far in advance, but I worked today, and as I feel my days at this particular work are numbered, I also feel a certain responsibility despite my disinterest, to be there. So I missed Shaun's film. But like immediately following his last film showing, I knew they would be going to Flowers, so I had the other friend, Adrienne call me when they got there.

Anyway something weird happened. I am having a hard time wrapping my brain around it.
An acquaintance there has not the most amazing eyes I have ever seen but close. So very intense. And I found that holding eye contact was a little game I was playing with him, or perhaps myself, which, as you might have caught on during face-to-face conversations with me, is difficult. I lost, whether I was playing with myself or with him, but even while looking away, I could feel the intensity of his gaze still on my eyes. Or maybe my bangs as they are new and he could have been trying to figure out what was different. This carried on for the next hour and a half or so. By that time our group had thinned down to me, this acquaintance, and a stranger.

Now perhaps I correlate eye contact with something sexual. Intense eye contact like that causes butterflies or inspires a degree of kiligin (if I can use a new Tagalog vocabulary word I learned today) it is a word we have not been able to translate fully yet that means something like giddiness, described by Kuya as the response of a girl who has just been given flowers. um. Anyway I read a term this morning in January's edition of Conscious Choice (yes Leanne has a subscription) that I think fits it well, New Relationship Energy. I think Potential New Relationship Energy works just as well, and is my own, correct or not, definition of kiligin (which can only be used to describe a feeling cause by another person, not for instance a place, I find that odd).

Eye contact is not the strange occurrence, as you might be thinking. The strange thing was the amazing eye fellow, as we were paying and gathering our things to leave, offered to buy me another drink, as it was nearly my birthday, somewhere else. I slowly caught up in the conversation, as his eyes continue to keep me off guard, awkwardly said no because of having a long paper to write or something. Free drink, attractive boy, my birthday, or homework? I don't even do homework. Maybe 23 makes you lame. Oh come on he has a girlfriend though, she was brought up in conversation a few minutes earlier. I wish I had that opportunity back though. I remember after the moment passed, I kept coming up with excuses of why not to say "you know i changed my mind". I drove, I really wanted to take a shower, I was freezing cold...And so here I am. Blogging on Blogster or whatever it is called, not doing homework, still freezing, and 23.
I don't know when I will see him again, Joshua. But he is from Oakland, perhaps that is an omen for you people who like omens. Damn it. Happy Birthday Self! Its time to start writing that paper.

omfg

Its so much worse now that its the night of fat tuesday. they are drinking my vodka, screaming, and running around the house. i am writing my alamat still.

omg

I still live here. this has got to be the least productive of my time so far. the pounding bass upstairs prohibits all forward motion on everything I need to accomplish tonight. an old high school friend is playing on the radio. my stomach is gargling and my hands are freezing but I still have another page and a half of a Tagalog legend to write. So far, its amazing, just fantastic, and probably better than what I could write in english. So good Kuya Jed thinks I stole it. However its also severely late. And as you can see I am currently writing here instead of there. The pounding bass and all. I am sick of asking them to be more considerate. Sick of winter. and apparently growing sick of good health if you ask my nose and lungs.

Paano na kumuha ang bubuyog ng guhit.

It is so cute it's painful. I even add a little Philippine History. I have everything laid out in front of me. How it ends etc... but translating the plot into Tagalog, stopping myself from translating and rethinking it in Tagalog, looking up every other word it seems, takes an excruciatingly long time. I didn't go to any of my classes today because I was trying to finish it before work. Four hours later I had only written about a paragraph more. Half way there, roughly five paragraphs more. Lets hope that doesn't mean another 20 hours of this. I should get back to work.

Avoiding future regret

The UW marine biology fellow with whom I was going to run off and become a pirate with if our marine biology careers fell through is now engaged. Shit. My marine biology career fell through. I had an immature little crush on him since shellfish biology, but i knew any romantic potential between the two of us was over when he moved to CA with his long time girlfriend last Spring. Shit. Shit. Shit. Is home-wreckery a legitimate form of piracy?